New Year's REVOLUTION

I guess I have two resolutions. One is the typical resolution… I’m going to start taking the stairs in my Resident Hall. Not to lose weight. I don’t care about that. It’s really to challenge myself. I have a strong willpower. If I want something, I will have it. No questions… but lately I’ve let laziness and discontent with college to overrun what I worked the past 4 years for. My 2^nd is to speak up.

Like I said, I talk a lot. I never say much though. I tend to downplay the fact that I’m intelligent in a group. There are a lot of things I could say that I don’t say because I fear people will think I’m strange. A couple of years ago, I thought I was a scene kid. No, I’m not joking. I honestly like the music and going to see the shows. There is no substitute for live music. It gave me something to look forward to outside of school and a mode to bond with my best friend Brooke.

Some of My Old Pictures:

I didn’t like getting up two hours early for school to tease my hair and put a ton of crazy makeup on. It just wasn’t me. It took way too much time and if I didn’t have time to fix my hair or makeup properly, I felt like I looked too young or too normal. I was so concerned with being like everyone else that I was turning into someone else. Someone who was self-conscious and someone who cared what everyone else thought.

Something I miss was that I was more comfortable in a group. I could talk to people and people would listen. I don’t necessarily want to be like I was. I tended to use my intelligence against people. I was very manipulating. I could word any situation in my favor. But people loved to speak to me. I guess teenagers like the rude kids… who knows.

Now, I keep my mouth shut. There are a couple of girls on my hall that I usually only associate in a group situation here at college who think I’m just the strangest person in the world. Hahahaha. I just don’t have much to say to a group of people anymore. Nothing I do is relative to all of them at one time.

I’m very good at people. I understand a lot more about the outside world than I let on. I can influence people and how they feel very well. I know this sounds so egocentric… but I really do understand a lot about life and the way people feel. I can generally put myself in someone else’s position and give a direct and honest opinion. Often, I try to avoid it. I’m afraid that someone will think that I am trying to talk down to them… like I’m saying that I am better than them. I’m not better than anyone.

So basically, my New Year's Resolution is to talk less and say more. When I was 16, I almost had it right. I said what I had to say... just sometimes, I did it just to make someone uncomfortable. I am more tactful now and I think that maybe someone will appreciate my help one day.

ANYWAYS. My next blog is going to be less serious. There is too much seriousness in the world and I'm tired of it. My next blog should be out before next week.