I hope one day this will help someone

This is the last week of school…which means exam week. All semester I’ve dealt with a lot of stress. I have had mental health issues that mutated into school problems, relationship problems and family problems. Now it comes down to this week—the 17^th week of the semester.

I made a couple of new friends… Kasi and Carlos and Gloria but there are always tradeoffs. Usually a good is neutralized by a bad. Of course I lost some friends too. When I was sickest, I found out who cared… or at least could deal with me.

Now that my Freshman/Senior year is coming to a close, I am reflecting on the person I was and the person I am. College living hasn’t been easy for me. I started out hating my dorm room and my classes and all the stupid little Freshman who didn’t know how to shut up at 2am. I went home almost every weekend to see Andrew and my family. When the money I had saved from my summer job ran out, it was time to find a new job. My parents can’t afford college any more than I can and I understood that I needed to suck it up and go back to work.

I applied at a gas station in Sylva… the Mt. Breeze Mart across from Harold’s Supermarket. I got the job… I worked every Friday, Saturday and Sunday. Even though I usually only got 21 to 24 hours, school and a job felt like full-time and a half. I hated my job at first. The owners seemed to have something against me and so did the employees. It was miserable.

One day, I think it was a Friday, the two women approached me. I thought that the look on their faces was the “I’m getting ready to fire you” look. Actually, they told me they were walking out and the new boss was coming in. 5 hours later, he showed up.

His name was (and still is) Hugh Thompson. Hugh Thompson has to be the best thing that has happened to me while being at college. The first day he walked in he introduced himself… then he told me he didn’t have a clue what he was doing. I got off around 5 that day but I stayed around to help him. Hugh is an older man, not quite old but not young.

All I really did for him was set up his computer, stand up for him when the girls at work gossiped about him and always came in when he called, but he gave me a lot of hope about the way things were. I started loving my job. I was happy. I wasn’t lonely on the weekends and I didn’t dread going to work. Eventually, I started to look at him as family. I didn’t tell him until the day I quit… of course I still go in when he calls me. He wrote me a small thank you which was stapled to my “last” check. I have it hanging in my car.

Though, this isn’t really about Hugh. I started writing this blog to talk about college and work.

I felt I had a different perspective. I realized I wasn’t “them.” Whoever “they are.” I knew that I was a lot older. Not chronologically… but mentally. Really, I was just being prideful and setting myself up as being better than them. I hated their partying, their stupid games in the hallways and the fact that I couldn’t say a word without anyone on my hall NOT knowing what was going on.

I may have been an adult then, but I think I have learned what an adult is now. I have taken care of 90% of my expenses since March 2011. I got my first job, first car and moved away from home. Of course I’ve been sick… and it skewed my perception a little. Maybe not skewed from where I had been but placed me on the other side. I started to be the one that was making the mistakes.

Today, I packed up my things to go home. I have joked with Carlos and other friends that all I own in the world fits into my Jeep in a single trip. The girls on my hall (both the one in Walker Dorm and then in Scott Dorm when Kelly and I moved) came to move-in day August 19^th 2011 with truckloads of clothes and all sorts of stuff I didn’t have. I wasn’t jealous. I was more amazed at the magic they had to conjure up to fit all their crap in a 10x10 jail cell.

I packed today because I needed some motivation. Packing is one step closer to moving to my new house or apartment in a week or two. Carlos was studying while I packed. It took less than an hour: about the time to fold two loads of clothes at my house in Conover. It fit in about 6 beer boxes and a half filled plastic dresser. I almost cried. It was one of those moments when something obvious comes to you out of nowhere.

I am starting out my own life and starting out small. I have a few clothes, mostly pajamas. I have my computer. I have 3 pairs of shoes, 3 pillows, 2 hula hoops a television set and two lamps to my name. The bulk of my stuff was books. I had a lot of books and school supplies. They took up two boxes. Two out of the 6. I almost cried but didn’t. It’s scary. One, I realized that there is some transition that is happening with or without my permission and two, it’s hit or miss at this point.

I know I don’t have that many readers but I was hoping that the underclassmen at my High School would appreciate this. Maybe they will. I know I would have liked someone to give me an idea of what college actually is.

It’s not just classes and studying in the library. It’s not all party and drinking either. Transition is the best word. The traditional Freshmen I live with haven’t hit that point yet… but I am 19 years old and am graduating college December 2012. I just graduated High School in May 2011. Where I am now in life is a place where I still have my parents to call on when I need them but am standing on my own two feet.

I hope that someone can benefit from this. I am not a straight A student. Actually, I have never made straight As…not one time. I am neither a bad kid nor a saint. I am not a genius by any means. And even though I act like it when I speak to people, I don’t have it all together. I really don’t have a clue what I am going to do with my life. I always felt like I was running out of time. I started going to college at 14. I wanted to be a Forensic Anthropologist and stuck with it. I knew when I was getting a job. More recently, I felt like I had to marry Andrew, find a home, find a grad school and work a full time job like an adult. Now I’ve lost all those things. Including the motivation.

Now, 5 years and 3 weeks later, I am okay with not knowing the next step.

An Old Poem

I absolutely love to write... I have been looking through my old poems and found this one I wrote on my 7 monthiversary with Andrew.

Since this one I'm never going to send off to any of the local poetry journals, I decided to share it with my readers.

7 Days from an Outsider’s Recollection

The first day was one exhausted in a crowded shopping mall, fixated on the

reassuring sound of a phone call. The second day, she scribed secret expressions

on the opening page of a hard-back red journal. The third night was

Christmas. The couple swayed to the moan of exhausted country singers. The

fourth was spent laying with her 10-day-old-husband-to-be. The fifth

evening was spent in a twin bed, watching cartoons while she wrote in the

red journal. The sixth she sat in the warm sand with him on a sunny Saturday, next to the

dam. The seventh day on a Sunday, they rested behold everything

was very good. And God blessed the Seventh Day as he had all of the others.

targeting a certain reader

I am getting help and in a couple of months hopefully, I will be normal again. I am working really hard to make a life for myself and I am really tired of letting this sickness control me. I've realized there is no "sucking it up" but I have realized that there are better ways of coping. I'm not considering medical leave anymore. I am going to graduate and be someone one day. I really hope that you are around to see it and maybe even be proud of me. I'm also going to make sure my sickness won't affect you or anyone else anymore. No more anger and hurting people. I think I am learning to deal with it little by little. I don't really know how else to get this out to you except through this. I half hope you never see it... but only half.

Nights at the Gas Station

I haven’t been blogging a lot lately… mostly because nothing interesting has happened. I go to school, I go to work then I come back here to sleep. And unfortunately, the work part of my day is taking over.

Right now my job is crazy. I don’t know which employees aren’t working but I know someone isn’t doing their job. The store is always gross, nothing is ever stocked and people quit counting the money as often as they should. Lately, I’ve been working 4 or 5 hour shifts since I have late classes and that’s all they can schedule me for during the week. When I only work 4 hours, I can only accomplish some stocking and the tasks towards closing the store. Nothing else can get done in 4 hours unless everyone stays home. Today I had an actual 8 hour shift so before I even got there today, I had plans of cleaning the store and finishing some projects I started through the week.

Well, today my shift started at 2pm but I got there at 1:30 to get lunch at the café and actually have time to eat it. Unfortunately, I walked in and there was a line of employees down the aisle waiting to pay for their things. I clocked in at 1:35 to help. After that, I did not leave the register for 5 hours. I literally did not move from behind the counter. It was terrible! After about 6:30 I was able to do some of my work.

I looked at the schedule and saw that an employee who doesn’t really care for me was opening in the morning so I knew that I needed to get some things done if I didn’t want another text message cussing me and her complaining to all of the other employees about me… like she’s never had a busy night. ANYWAYS

The real point of this story was that I was sweeping and I had actually moved the shelves that made up the aisles to sweep and mop underneath them. It was gross. But I had dust everywhere. It was all over my clothes, all over the store and all over the drunken cowboy who walked right through my pile of dirt.

There is this customer with a really deep voice, a cowboy hat and a John Wayne attitude… usually a real nice guy… but today he was stuttering and staggering around my store. Once he got his beer and put it on the counter, he said to me, “you want my buddy to sweep up your dirt?” I thought he was joking and said of course. Why would I sweep if someone else was going to do it for me? After John Wayne and his friend left the counter, about 7 customers had come in and were beginning to line up so I was with the register. The friend came up beside the counter and said “Ma’am? Ma’am, do you got a dust pan?” At first I said, “of course? Why wouldn’t I have…. Wait!” I looked over at Mr. Cowboy and he was poking at the dirt with the broom in a stirring soup kind of motion. I kept saying things like “please stop” and “thank you and I’ll get it done…” “I get paid for it”—things that should have given him the hint that I didn’t want him in my dirt.

Finally, he left with a proud smile that he had helped me clean up and I only had 2 customers in the store at this time. I looked at the guy at the counter and said, “He’s usually really nice. I think he may be a little drunk today.” He replied with, “I wonder what gave you that idea?” and “I’d hate to be a girl working alone in a gas station.”

I replied with “Some days are worse than others”

Guy at counter: “I bet you get hit on by every godd*** alcoholic and creep in Sylva”

And as he walked out he said: “And they don’t even know when you’re gay!”

After he left and only the last customer and I remained in the store, we laughed for 5 minutes straight. The last customer was laughing so hard he couldn’t ask how to get back to I40.

JEEZ… I don’t work at the Crowne Plaza… I didn’t need to wear heels and an apron. And either way, what made him think I was gay? Was it my flannel shirt or rainbow tattoo on my forehead? People these days can't help but jump to conclusions. hahaha.

Oh and no... I'm not gay, nor do I have a rainbow tattoo... yet :)

My Roommate

So, I have realized that I have the best roommate in the world.


Kelly was my best friend at the beginning of high school. We skipped Environmental Science together, played softball together, rode to school ate McDonald's.... all sorts of things. Over the summer, I found out that I had no where to stay at college. The Department of Residential Living called me and said "Hey, you're going to have to find alternative housing because we can not place you in a room at this time." And even though Kelly hadn't talked seriously in almost a year, I called her and she was at my house helping me look for apartments within the hour. When Residential Living found out they had made a mistake, Kelly went through hell to make sure that we roomed together.


Living with someone in such close quarters isn't easy. In a dorm, if you don't organize things EVERYDAY it gets a little crazy. It also gets crazy when you have different opinions. A lot of kids come to school having never shared a bedroom with someone. It isn't easy for sure. Of course Kelly and I have never had a problem with the "things" in our rooms... she can go through whatever she wants... but we have had problems with being on top of each other.




I can't say that her and I don't disagree. I have a really good sense of smell. I smell everything. I can smell cigarette smoke on anyone almost immediately. Most people on my hall know that I went crazy over some kind of smell in mine and Kelly's room. It was a sweet, festered smell like rotten fruit. For a little while, Kelly humored me. She helped me scrub the floor on hands and knees twice before she gave up and left. I was in tears multiple times over the smell. It made me so sick. Eventually she gave up and told people I'd gone crazy when they asked.... which wasn't really untrue.


And I gave away her fish without asking her. I just gave it away.... So, I guess we're even.


So even when there have been problems, like when the girl posted things on my blog or when my coworker attacked me on FaceBook, she stood up for me. And I realized how well I actually know her. I also know that if I ever need anything she'd help me.


I regret anything I've ever said about her. She really is my best friend.


Advice on Getting Along With a Roommate
1. if you don't want your stuff touched, tell them... simple
2. if you have certain study times set out, make sure they are known
3. make similar schedules if possible. Things worked out really well when Kelly and I had to get up at the same time
4. if you have a problem, don't let frustration build up
5. if there are certain health issues you have, tell your roommate. It will build a relationship and they will know to watch out for signs and symptoms if you need help
6. be thoughtful... basically, try to be their friend... by the way, I threw Kelly her 1st birthday party! I'm so nice ;)
7. if you don't get along, have a business relationship. don't make things too personal. It's a big campus and you can make plenty of friends elsewhere.
8. if a business relationship doesn't work, move out. chances are, there is someone out there with the same problems whose also looking to move out.


I've not quite figured out this whole roommate thing either but I know I'm going to miss Kelly after this semester. Sometimes in life, there has to be a whole lot of bad before you find something great.

Wow... I was an early blogger!

When I was younger, I kept blogs incessantly. I documented every funny moment of my life. I went to look for them and they were still there!!! You have to keep in mind that I was between 12 and 15 when I wrote these so some grammar and spelling is off but the meaning is intact. These are a couple from that blog. I skipped some of the boring and the ones that I sounded like a nerd. I hope you enjoy :)

28 July 2009

OKay so I just got back from West by God Virginia. Gosh that place is backwards. Especially my family.

My momaw (as I call her) was ranting how I should be lady like and clean my daddy's house. Okay, I went in that house maybe 4 times in the 6 weeks I was there. So, I wasn't going to help a grown man clean up his own mess. All my momaw knows is cooking and cleaning. Aka the perfect wife. It drives me up a wall.

She told me one day men don't clean. They work. Fire built in my stomach. We got in a argument that could've woken the dead. My father came in "to resolve the issue".

Daddy: "Deanna, aren't you going to help you're daddy?"
Deanna: "You messed it up, you clean it up."
Momaw: "Men don't do those things. I wished your daddy could find him a nice woman."

I thought I was going to scratch my eyes out.

Daddy: "You're just like your mother Deanna! I spent $200,000 on this house for your mother and she never cleaned it!"

Just before I blew up, my 10 year old sister popped it saying "Daddy, I bet you didn't clean it either."

HOw can you be mad at that? lol. It was so funny.

10 May 2009

The best thing in life is the stupid stuff that happens that you just can't help but laugh at.

For example, last week I was brushing my hair and my annoying 10-year-old brother sticks his nose into my back and hangs there. He says, "Deanna, you smell REALLY good." I went to say thank you but, before I could say anything at all he continues: "Deanna, you smell like new pool floaties!" ummmm...... okay bub, uh thanks.

In December, I made a trip to Brooke's casa to escape my house for half an hour or so. When I get there, we sit down on her bed to have a conversation as usual. Brooke pops a jolly rancher into her mouth. And I said something that was apparently hilarious to her and she laughs so hard. She then spits out her jolly rancher out onto my bare leg. yuck Brooke. I pick the grape hard candy and put it back into her mouth.

Not long after this, me and Brooke had went to a show and I was planning on spending the night with her so, I got my clothes from my house and went walking to hers (considering it is less than half-a-mile away). Of course it was late, pitch black, and cold so, I was running. I decided to take a short cut through the corner yard and was still running. It was late January and all the leaves were all off of the trees and so they were perfectly matched into the night. Just so happens there was a skinny tree in this corner yard. I didn't see it until I ran into it.. oops. 

Sometimes laughing is the only thing that keeps me from going crazy.

11 December 2008

SO, its the end of the semester for us Challenger Nerds. Showcase portfolios are finally freaking over! (Those things are so completely pointless.) NOW ITS TIME FOR EXAMS.

This school totally stresses me out. Everytime I hear the word portfolio I think I'm ready to jump off of a boat with bricks strapped to my ankles. Well, its not that bad but, its pretty close.

This time of year I seem to always be in a hurry!

Everyday I go to my friend Brooke's house to fetch my siblings. (They stay with her because you can't leave 9 year olds by themselves.) On the way out the door yesterday I grabbed a snack sized piece of Hershey's dark chocolate.

Well, I decided that walking was taking too long so I popped the candy into my mouth and started running. It wasn't long until I was out of breathe. (by the way, its harder to run in the cold.)

I took this deep breath through my mouth and inhaled the chocolate. So, I was standing in the middle of someone's yard hacking and holding my throat choking. I was almost laughing imagining the peoples faces who were watching me. Then I took this final cough that was probably heard a couple blocks away and the entire piece of candy flew from my mouth to like ten feet away.

Quite impressive it was.

After I was done choking I ran to Brookie's house and told her about my ordeal. My brother, my sister, brooke, and I were all rolling in her floor laughing.

No, you think I'm joking. Lol.

Completely serious.

28 October 2008

On Sundays at my house, everyone's home. Me, my uncle Tigger, mommy, Tammy, Delaney and Matthew. Everyone's watching football. (And by the way, football is just buff men in tights rolling around on the ground.)

Anyways, my uncle Tigger comes out of the bathroom and yells at me telling me how ridiculous that I look and how that I shouldn't be let out of the house the way I was dressed and my little brother asks, "Tigger? Are your SHORTS ON BACKWARDS?"

Uncle Tigger looks at his shorts and says, "Well, I guess they are".

Five hours later tigger was walking around with a different pair of shorts on and... guess what... they were on backwards again.

And I'm the one who dresses funny.

24 October 2008

I'm such a stupid manner ninja.

My bubby was chewing loudly and I hate when people chew with their mouth open. It freaking Drives me insane. I yelled at him, "DON'T CHEW WITH YOUR MOUTH FULL". He nodded and just stared at me blankly. He was no longer chewing. Then everyone laughed.

I had no idea what I said... gosh, me and my non-attentiveness.

9 October 2009

Okay, there's this new sophomore at school. His name's Kevin. I'm sure if you go to my school you've heard of him. Gosh, who hasn't? He is insanely ignorant.

About a month ago I met him. I was on the bus to school and I was sitting by myself in the seat. He asked me if he could sit with me and since he was polite about it I said yes. He started making friendly conversation. He asked me what my name was and how my day was going and I continued to talk until things were silent. After that I put my headphones in to listen to my music. My first impression of this idiot was that he was just a harmless nerd.

I WAS SO WRONG! A week after that I was standing in Physical Science before class started drawing on the board, Kevin walked up to me all sweet and poetic like.

He came up and asked, "Your name is Deanna, right?"

I answered yes considering I am Deanna.

Then he looked me in the eye and said, "You look so much more beautiful up close than from afar."

And being the jerk that I am I said, "I already met you..... LAST WEEK."

Poor kid got scared and started to walk away but then, as if he had a normal thought and he asked me how I would rate his entrance.

I said, "Six because you forgot my name."

Oh but, THIS ISN'T THE ONLY THING THIS CRAZY KID DOES.

A day or two later I was talking to Amber Rose about it and she jumped up and yelled, "HE SAID THE SAME THING TO ME!!" He had apparently told every girl that! What an idiot.

AND THEN.

Yesterday I was in a bad mood. Really Bad mood. After I had finished my MAPs Testing I walked up the hallway and I caught a glimpse of Krazy Kevin and began to walk faster. I was not ready for his thick Hispanic accent.

All of a sudden I heard, "Hey Deanna, why are you walking so fast? Why are you walking so fast Deanna?"

I wanted to yell and say, "BECAUSE I'M TRYING TO AVOID YOU." I decided to not say anything, instead I kept my mouth shut. Kevin: "Why do men not carry you? Why do men not carry you deanna?" Me: "I'm perfectly capable of walking thank you." I then feel him touch my hair and before I could think I snapped at him, "DON'T TOUCH ME!" He walks away awkwardly and apologizing. He is so weird!! He also comes up with these weird pickup lines like, "May I check your tag to see if you were made in heaven?" Would this bother you?

Funny Story^ I ended up being really good friends with this guy during my senior year of high school.

14 May 2008

Last year when I applied for Challenger, I thought it was going to be absolutley horrible. And I have to admit, it wasn't far off. But, I met alot of people and made alot of new friends.

+

The first person I met at Challenger was Kelly Lail. She looked the least intimidating. Me and her got so lost the first day! I found it funnier after I found where I was going. Getting lost on College campus is less fun than you might think.

Later I met my friends Jeni, atta, ashley richmond, shanice and lots of other people. OH, gosh, I found out the other day that I scared most of the people I met at challenger the first few weeks. I even intimidated Keener!

Later in my freshman year I met Michael, who is my best friend! I lost some friends but i gained alot more. (now it sounds like playing black jack. lol)

and Even later than that I met Danielle. I love her a lot. Maybe not in the same way but, she's become a very close friend to me.

I'm glad I went. I guess my choice wasn't as idiotic as I had once thought.

26 April 2007

My dad told me this story....

He was sitting on my grandparents porch and then my 'momaw' walked out onto the front porch and said, "It's awful hot out here but the birds seem to enjoy it!" She walked over to the swing and sat down. My Daddy said "Yeah, just a minute ago I seen a red-bird." And I bet you can guess what she said next!! She said, "Well, what color was it?" He laughed and as he was walking away he said, "No, momma I believe it was Blue...."

4:17 PM

27 April 2007

I was at my fathers/grandparents not very long ago and my 'momaw' (as I call her) was walking through the house and I said "Hey momaw, Do you want to go to 'Wet pets FISH WORLD'?" and then in her moment of stupidity said "Are there fish there?!"

I need a Wal Mart in my Back Yard

So I knew college was gonna be expensive. There was no question to it…. But I’ve had to buy a lot of things I didn’t expect to.

1.    Rolls upon rolls of ducktape

2.    An umbrella… only to lose it in when it is raining the hardest

3.    3 packs of underwear because I always forget them at home when I go to visit

4.    Three lamps because it’s so gloomy in here

5.    Clorox to scrub the floor with

6.    3 bottles of Febreez

7.    1 bottle of Lysol tub and tile for the floor

8.    A new rug because the old one literally fell apart

9.    2 sponges

10.  Dish soap

11.  4 stationary air fresheners

12.  2 box fans

13.  1 dual window fan

14.  A hula hoop… which I love

15.  A Star Wars Poster

16.  $28 worth of 3M Command products

17.  5 boxes of cereal

18.  4 gallons of milk… 3 of which went old

19.  1 gallon of orange juice…. All of which spoiled before consumption

20.  Sweatpants

21.  Coloring books

22.  2 pairs of sneakers

23.  And I just HAD to have a set of new highlighters

Haha and did I mention underwear? This came to me when I started unpacking… finally. Guess what I can’t find? UNDERWEAR. It makes me want to scream through the hallways ruining everyone else’s day. Guess who has to go to Wally World tomorrow because she only has 2 more left? THAT’D BE ME. How… How do I even do this?! Is it a subconscious decision that I need new ones? I probably have 23 pairs now spread from Cullowhee to Conover to Iaeger, Wva.

I am furious. Just plain mad.

I know I’m going to catch hell for posting this. Hahaha… I am just so upset right now. First it was Darwin’s Origin of Species now it’s my packing skills that are just raining on my day.

Anyways... I’ve enabled commenting finally. I couldn’t figure it out at first. There is an anonymous option but the one that says “Name/URL” works too. You can just put your name and leave the URL blank or you can always use your FaceBook URL? I don’t care what you choose.

Comment with your funny bad days. I need to laugh at somebody other than myself today ;)

To Clear Things Up..

I'm not depressed? End of story... I got a couple of comments/texts/emails that kind of worried me. I'm one of the happiest people in the world. I'm just honest. I know that not everything is good all the time and I have concerns that are unlike a lot of 18 year olds. Real concerns.


Seriously, I'm not an emo kid. :) I'm very happy and have a lot of happy things to say but I write what comes out of me at the time.

New Year's REVOLUTION

I guess I have two resolutions. One is the typical resolution… I’m going to start taking the stairs in my Resident Hall. Not to lose weight. I don’t care about that. It’s really to challenge myself. I have a strong willpower. If I want something, I will have it. No questions… but lately I’ve let laziness and discontent with college to overrun what I worked the past 4 years for. My 2^nd is to speak up.

Like I said, I talk a lot. I never say much though. I tend to downplay the fact that I’m intelligent in a group. There are a lot of things I could say that I don’t say because I fear people will think I’m strange. A couple of years ago, I thought I was a scene kid. No, I’m not joking. I honestly like the music and going to see the shows. There is no substitute for live music. It gave me something to look forward to outside of school and a mode to bond with my best friend Brooke.

Some of My Old Pictures:

I didn’t like getting up two hours early for school to tease my hair and put a ton of crazy makeup on. It just wasn’t me. It took way too much time and if I didn’t have time to fix my hair or makeup properly, I felt like I looked too young or too normal. I was so concerned with being like everyone else that I was turning into someone else. Someone who was self-conscious and someone who cared what everyone else thought.

Something I miss was that I was more comfortable in a group. I could talk to people and people would listen. I don’t necessarily want to be like I was. I tended to use my intelligence against people. I was very manipulating. I could word any situation in my favor. But people loved to speak to me. I guess teenagers like the rude kids… who knows.

Now, I keep my mouth shut. There are a couple of girls on my hall that I usually only associate in a group situation here at college who think I’m just the strangest person in the world. Hahahaha. I just don’t have much to say to a group of people anymore. Nothing I do is relative to all of them at one time.

I’m very good at people. I understand a lot more about the outside world than I let on. I can influence people and how they feel very well. I know this sounds so egocentric… but I really do understand a lot about life and the way people feel. I can generally put myself in someone else’s position and give a direct and honest opinion. Often, I try to avoid it. I’m afraid that someone will think that I am trying to talk down to them… like I’m saying that I am better than them. I’m not better than anyone.

So basically, my New Year's Resolution is to talk less and say more. When I was 16, I almost had it right. I said what I had to say... just sometimes, I did it just to make someone uncomfortable. I am more tactful now and I think that maybe someone will appreciate my help one day.

ANYWAYS. My next blog is going to be less serious. There is too much seriousness in the world and I'm tired of it. My next blog should be out before next week.

Invisible Readers?!

So for the past couple of weeks people have been telling me, "hey, I read this on your blog. That was really funny!" or "hang in there Deanna. College can't be that bad." One invisible reader I don’t know well made a reference to my blog and that one REALLY surprised me. Today I found out that the girls in the office of Save More incorporated read my blogs! I thought no one but my mommy read my blogs. Lol.

It makes me sooooo happy. I love to write. And sometimes, having an audience to read and enjoy what you’ve written is the best feeling in the world. I’d like to think I have a new perspective on things and writing is the best way for me to spell it all out.

So this is a thank you to all the readers I didn’t know I had… but seriously, you should follow my blog. The more followers I have, the higher up on Google search I go!

1st Semester Blues

This past semester wasn't really my first college semester... but it was the first time I'd been at a school more than 15 minutes from home. There are a lot of things I've learned in the past 4 months.

This time last year, I got my acceptance letter from Western Carolina University. At the time, I thought that receiving that letter was going to relieve some stress but I didn't know then that I had no real stresses. There were a lot of questions and concerns I had about going off to college. I was scared that I'd miss my family. I was scared that living in a dorm would be horrible and not at all like home but I was really scared of having to go through it on my own.

Honestly, I had 2nd thoughts about going to school until 1 week before. I had convinced myself that I still had the option of taking a year off. I wasn't sure I was going until I got a phone call asking how much money I was taking out in Student Loans.

I can't say that I'm not still scared. Anyone who doesn't have a fear about there future is in for it when life smacks them in the face. I'm still worried that I'm not sure about being a Forensic Anthropologist and getting the almighty Bachelor's degree.

Living at college is not ideal but I feel like this time last year, I was almost a different person. Since January 2011, I got my first part time job. I went to the beach... without my mother. I fell into my first FULL time job. (Thank you everyone for quitting while I was at the beach.) I drove to college and orientation all by myself. I got my first tattoo, and I wasn't scared. All of these things are small things but it makes me understand a lot. 

Even thought it isn't as bad as I had expected, it has been tough. I made 2 Ds 2 Cs and a B... and school has always been easy for me. My Genetics teacher felt so sorry for me, she GAVE me a D. (I'm not really sure how I got the 2nd D >:( I did well in that class til the last week.)

Dorm rooms still suck pretty bad. They are small and the halls are REALLY noisy but it is close to the dining hall. Still, I'm counting down the days until I sign a lease to an apartment.

To Anyone Thinking 2nd Thoughts About Going to College:

College isn't for everyone but once you're there, you learn a lot about taking care of yourself. I've learned more about being an adult than the academics, but it's what I needed. And if you can manage to stay out of trouble somehow (my job keeps me outta trouble), then you'll find someway to get through it. But if you want to go to college, but you don't have the money or you don't know EXACTLY what you want to do, Community College is great. You can get a degree or you can transfer to the university when you do figure out what you want to do.

I still have 2nd thoughts.... and I get really homesick but I am proud that I CAN take care of myself. Sometimes people don't put nearly as much faith into themselves as they should